The Core Truths of Relating with Ebonie Allard
- episode 6 of Core Truths with Zoë K. M. Foster, first aired 4th April 2021
We jump RIGHT in here - no introductions, no ceremony. Imagine you’re eavesdropping in on a *really* juicy conversation at the next table 😄.
This was a really delicious buffet of a conversation with Ebonie Allard - priestess of alchemy and founder of Misfit for Life, guiding lifelong misfits into mavens.
In this episode we go into the difference between personality types and cognitive stacks, and how they are both useful in helping us find our way back to our most “natural” self. Delving deeper, we boldly and unashamedly discuss polarisation of identity - from gender to vaccine choice. Ebonie shares why she is so passionately against a “one size fits all” approach, and in particular, why labels - such as “narcissist” and “codependent” are so unhelpful.
There really is so much to ponder and ruminate on in this convo for everyone, whether you believe in “one true path for all” or are somewhere along the spectrum of individuality.
Check out the timestamps below for teasers!
Watch this episode on Youtube:
01:05 Personality shifts & how we evolve
Operating systems vs personality types & nature vs nurture
“I learned that a lot of my intrinsic nature wasn’t ‘normal’, wasn’t ok”
02:55 Armouring up & adopting a one-size-fits-all role for “success”
Living in a world designed for extroverts
“That is why I believed myself to be introverted - because I had a side for the world and a side for me.”
04:50 Personality typing & “cognitive stacks”
“How we process the world isn’t as simple as ‘introvert’ and ‘extrovert’”
Avoiding boxes and learning to lean into “your most natural self”
07:30 Polarities vs a spectrum
Being “more” than just a type - especially in our “one size fits all” society
“We weren’t designed to compete against one another”.
10:20 Archetypes as your “character”
11:15 External factors which “affect” our personality
Narcissist - empath / dependency relationship
Polarisation of our “typing”
12:15 Our “one size fits all” world in relationships
Moving towards a “custom fit” of belonging, connection, togetherness etc
“These terms are really unhelpful and a side effect of a society that hasn’t given us enough ways to relate to one another”
15:15 Narcissism and generational trauma
“We are not our behaviour” - why labels aren’t helpful
How each generation is doing the best with what they have
19:05 The 3 stages of processing the narcissist-codependent relationship
Understanding - embodiment - expression
“Whatever place you’re in with it now, it will change and it will shift and it will soften”
21:30 What would little Ebonie think of where you are now?
On consciously and unconsciously creating space for our inner child
Being connected to her: “That wasn’t always the case”
24:55 What is Ebonie working on now in her character journey?
“Letting myself be seen in my fullness, my range”
On being less controlled about how others perceive her
27:05 How deep does your armour run?
28:20 How we relate vs how we “know”
When are facts NOT facts?
30:55 The Westernisation of personality typing
“There have not been studies into everybody”
32:30 The identity crisis around THAT vaccine
“There is no animosity, there is no division, there is no binary hate or ‘right’ and ‘wrong’”.
Can we make it OK for people to disagree with one another?
35:55 Whether it is ALL or NOTHING depends on who you are!
“For so many types of people, the ‘one true path’ is a thing for them”
How Ebonie takes her coffee (*may astound you*!)
37:25 Codependent, narcissist, anti-vaxx, vaxxers - what’s in a label?
“We can be dangerously unaware of how hypocritical we’re being”
How to be INClusive rather than EXclusive
39:35 My judgement vs your judgement
“What I see in you I honour in me”
Saying what we see and mirroring our values
41:55 Being a lighthouse for what you stand for
Are you saying it for the sake of controversy/provocation, or as an affirmation and in allyship?
“Sometimes it’s virtue-signalling, and sometimes it’s signalling!”
44:25 Why Ebonie can’t last in a “real” job!
“If I don’t do it, I don’t do anything”
On being eclectic and desperately wanting to be “normal”
48:05 What needs to shift within humanity right now?
Where will we be in 80-90 years?
Uniqueness, equity, and being absolutely true to ourselves within the realms of “We”
51:30 “Being both individual and sovereign, AND part of a collective”
What the utopia needs in order to get there - decluttering!
53:50 Ebonie’s processes to come back to her core
You can connect with Ebonie here:
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